You know what .. you have a real talent in writing ... You could channel all these thoughts and feelings into lyrics, poetry or prose. I like how you write. You are NOT untalented, rest assured. And you ARE beautiful and smart. Idiots don't have such a rich interior life as you have. They don't worry as much as you do .. You are a bit too disapointed in life and that's sad. You are so YOUNG. You are too conscious about everything and it's bad since it makes you unhappy. We had a Romanian writer to say something like: "the more consciousness the more pain" (something like this in a loose translation ).

When I was your age I was filled with worries too. I wasn't a beautiful person ever. I was very poor. And I didn't love myself and didn't expect anyone to do this. I had a lot of complexes and was unhappy. That lasted till one day when I think I kinda started being tired of hating myself :mrgreen:

I started looking less at me as an inferior person and started looking more at my qualities. Yes, I am not a very beautiful person. But I do have some nice things in my appearance too. I am VERY smart (and very modest too ) .. I have a good sense of humour and I can be a good understanding friend. I have the gift of making people feel comfortable near me, to share their secrets and can also give them some nice words to heal their pain. I was able to get some people from depressions just by listening to them and reminding them THEY ARE WONDERFUL.

The moment I started loving myself, all the others started too ... even if I am not the most beautiful person, I don't have fancy clothing or a car, I still have a lot of admirers, was loved by wonderful men (people I never dreamt would look at me), I am able to make an impression that lasts. Maybe we're not the "a good first impression" type of women, but the people who know us really love us

So ... let's start.

Don't worry anymore about your BF not sharing your ideas and hobbies. So what? Get your act together, and mind you own business ... find a place to dance and you'll make friends very soon. You'll feel awesome, you'll learn some new stuff and get in shape. Weight is not such a big problem once you have toned those muscles a bit. Believe me you have muscles, you need to work them. get into sports or anything that attracts you. I practiced karate for 5 years. It was AWESOME. I practiced aerobics and tae bo with adi for some weeks .. it was awesome. The effort, the joy and friendship .. yes, they are worth it.

Pursue your dreams and don't let others decide for you. You don't know how to crochet? Find resources on the internet. Discuss with an old lady and let her teach you some tricks

We are limited only if we chose to be in such cases. Maybe you won't be a good singer or a dancer. But God it's awesome to do it. Maybe you won't be the perfect crochet specialist. But you could wear your own nice scarf made by YOU. Stop limiting yourself, DO IT

Trust me it's working. Don't think "I can't do this'. TRY IT. fail and then try again. And don't forget to enjoy the ride

Hugs

omy.. you made me want to cry and laugh at the same time!!! i learned to crochet a little.. i can do only square things like a bag for mobile phone but i can't read english pattern for crochets, i know all the stitches in french LOL...

i couldn't agree more with you.. you really make people comfortable...

don't mind me that much... i have to agree that when i write, i tend to exagerrate a bit but when i revert back i say " omy... were my feelings so strong?" but then when i have those "crisis" it's true that sometimes i am overwhelmed.. i do write some lyrics. prob is i don't know many chords on piano or guitar so can't compose!!
when i compose it's always the same basic notes,, the tune changes but the key /pitch is the same... whatever i'm proud of some. hihihi... if someday i become famous *dream *dream* i'm going to mention you and your forum.. lol...

dear diary..

today i'm in a pretty good mood.. i wanna sing sing sing sing... tomorrow i'm going to see chris but that's not the reason of my good mood.. the reason is that i finally got over chris and well, he's not that great.. his musical talents are great and i'm going to make the most of that.. tomorrow he'll give me the music he composed for my lyrics. isnt' that great?? I'm always excited when i know that my lyrics have some music .. okie then... what am i going to say again?? hmm... finally preparations are taking place.. we already paid part of the restaurent and i guess now it's all details.. [except for church]..
i'm eating only vegetarian stuff these days to get slimmer..... .cauliflowers & brocoli boiled for today.. with chilli! yummyyy ... lol... hope to be losing at least 20kgs.. i'm 1.68m - 1.70m... weighing about 78-79kg... with 20kgs less, i'm going to be really in good health...

Don't forget to exercise too. Diet with no sports is not the best solution to lose weight. Combine the two and you'll see the outcome

I am so glad you are in higher spirits. Just do what you love and feel good about it .. in the end we've only got one life. It's good to express your feelings. even if you are mad ... do this in writing and you'll see you got a weight off your chest. I am also glad you consider my input helpful. It's meant to be like this

Have an awesome weekend

i know writing is good but seeing you getting soo concerned makes me feel guilty.. huh you see, when i write, i feel those but by the time i read the comments, i'm my normal self... and i get really guilty for having made you feel sad for me...


i feel so sleepy but i don't wanna sleep.. we went to a children's show tonight.. bf and me.. he fell asleep during and i get really angry when he does so[even to the movies]
ok, the children were not professionals but they were so cute and it was obvious that they did their best... i just loved it!!!!!!!!!!!1 it was done by a school with very low resources.. my EX primary school lol... it was nice seeing them do shows.. when i was 8 or 9 or 10 something, they did a show then to raise funds. i was overweight[still is] and didn't want to be in the show, anyway, nobody asked me to, and tonight i've seen so many children who are overweight who did the show..

i'm glad children are no longer conscious of their weight.. i mean, what if we do have excess weight? lol... i should speak to myself.. i've finally convince bf to go to gym with me... he even agrees to do some other activity with me.. he'd probably choose ballroom dancing... i told him i wanted to do ANY activity with him and he said i choose.. i gave him LOTS of choices:

ninja [martial arts], wushu [martial arts], karate[martial arts], mountain hiking, singing courses, ballroom dance courses, cookery classes[lol], badminton practice, tennis[learning], swimming[he doesn't know how while i just LOVE to swim], guitar, piano... there are lots more i could have offered but i don't know any more.. lol..

well, i feel a bit guilty to "force" him to do these things but i'm sure it would be for his own good.. he would be so proud of himself... i don't want to be old one day and find that i am NOT an accomplished woman. i want to know how to do something... and i hope to be able to..! :) ..

don't feel guilty, ew are here to help each other
About the boyfriend - be happy - i mean, really happy - that he agrees to be with you ion such activities. My bf doesn't want to do anything together with me, and I'm kinda getting pissed off about it. I love spending time with him, but we don't do this anymore. I would love it if he would only help me set the table, it would mean a lot to me, but we don't even do that ... So be happy and don't worry about forcing him, it'll all pay off in the end

Well, it's been some time... i've gone through such a boring weekend and the start of the week.. i feel disoriented...

saturday AND sunday my bf and I just went to the cybercaf. & pool house as we used to go.. well, i must say that i was expecting chris a little as I have given him a song lyrics for him to compose music but the did NOT show up.. i hate the way he has broken his engagement... i mean, i have put all my heart in all the lyrics i've ever written and now he acts as if it's nothing.. it's already not easy showing people my lyrics but i trusted him and gave him a copy.. he's a complete bastard..

otherwise, i can't help thinking about Madeleine.. i'm not from uk but still, when i read her story, it was like my heart was breaking. how can people be so heartless and abduct a sweet beautiful girl like her?? at least they should have asked for money instead but what did they do to her? will she be found one day? I sure hope so.. it's useless to say that i will pray as i don't pray but still.. my heart aches for her.... she is soooooo cute.... She has beautiful blond hair and nice eyes.. i wonder if it's a disease or just appearance, i meant about her eye.. i want her to go home safely. i want to find out what happened to her. i've involved myself emotionally to her case and now i can't forget.. i can't let it out of my mind... for heaven's sake, give back that little girl and take an elder person.. she has not yet experienced life. she knows nothing about life... omggg!! she could have been a singer, she's so cute, or an actress or a model.. i dont' know but she would have been sure to get a good job, with so good looks and probably very much intelligent.. i want her t o return home..
i dont'know her at all but I can't forget her..

today i want to die! i'm feeling depressed over nothing.. i just got my periods, i have to go to a wedding tonight and i'm having reports from my boss that my job is slacking.. i need to quit.. they're changing office and it's so far and i won't be able to wake up early enough.. i'm fed up with life. i've got too many complaints i wanna die.. .money is a big problem.. health is getting really bad.. my weight is increasing and i don't know what to do!!

Today i'm either excited or sad! I don't know what i feel! I'm quitting my job... I just hope to be doing the right thing!!! my boss is shifting office and it's too far away from my home... and too early.. i'm happy not to have to wake up early but at the same time i will no longer have income!!!!

Don't worry .. you can find another job. If the previous one cannot be saved and you don't want it anymore, focus on the next job. Try to look for some jobs and the moment you start your search you'll feel better. Just don't worry that much .. it's not normal at your age to feel do depressed

It's gonna be OK .. not to mention that period might have its own effect in here .. after it passes you'll already feel better