How would you comment on this? Would this be the ultimate love? Letting someone "free"? Would it be better to hang on to the person? Would that be selfish?

If you really love someone do let them be free. If the love is real they will be back.

hmm... you're right...you can't just force someone to have certain feelings..

I know this because my dad is against my bf...and i told him like 100 times" i can't help it! i love him, and i need no particular reason to do that! and noone can change that, but me "

feelings are not something you "learn" so if a person realises he/she loves you, they will come back. And if they don't because they say they love you, but are afraid to confess, that's not real love.

So if you let someone be free, you let them chose the feelings themselves.

After 21 years of marrage I can assure you you cannot change another person. I think you can only change the way you react to that person.

well... it depends.. i know persons who changed a lot in their 50's ... we live in such different times right now, compared to the times long ago, that people have to adapt to certain new things, so they change... the bad thing is that they mostly change in a bad way..at least this is how i see it
but the way you react to a person is much more easy to change to yourself... it's not really a change,but rather a different perspective.

I agree lots of people change in their 50's. I am one of them for sure. My point is that sometimes I think in marrages one partner tries to change the other the way they want them to be and I don't think that ever really works. This just my thought.
Gabby

well... i am not married, but i did have this problem my bf is even now trying to change me as he wants... but i keep telling him to love me as i am, or (and this is where my heartbreeaks :cry: )go find another girl that suits his needs. I never tryied to change him, i 'let him be free' , but he just thinks i should be perfect. well.. he's wrong

No one is perfect. Of my friends where have been married a long time the two things they say are they feel like they married their best friend and they both let their partner be who they really are.
Did he fing another gf? Are you still together?

Adi, he'll grow up. All men in their 20's think they're GOds and we need to be AS THEY WANT. He'll eventualy grow over this. My ex used to want to change me too. We finaly broke up because I didn't want to turn into something I am not. My current BF is 11 years older and more mature. He's aware that I am not perfect and neither is he. We learnt to live with each other quirkies and it's fascinating in the end.

we're still toghether, Gabby.
And i sure hope he'll 'grow up' I am not gonna change, i'm happy with who i am, so.. tough luck

But sometimes it's good to tell a person to change somethig that is not good... for example "stop being so lazy" or "stop talking with your mouth full" or things like that. Does that interfere with leting someone be free?

note: i am not lazy and i don't speak with my mouth full...those were just examples .